Choosing rest

Putting kids to bed.  It can be the most trying time of the entire day. Chasing them through hallways, trying to get them to sit still long enough to brush their teeth to a respectable level of clean, strapping a diaper on them, threatening them about if they take said diaper off, putting them in the bed, chasing them and again putting them back in the bed...... Some days you just toss them in their beds and count it a victory because they are still breathing.  Then there are those rare nights that we wish were more frequent then reality tells us is true.  Those nights where we lie all together in bed reading books, telling silly stories, and giggling.  When we just enjoy each others company.  When those nights happen you realize that that's how life is supposed to be.  But, if we know that reading books and enjoying each other is how its "supposed" to be, why does it seem to be so evasive?

I have come to the conclusion that good bedtimes with the kids are very similar to rest...quite evasive. Sleep, now that I can find.  I can go to bed and get my 6-8 hours of sleep a night but sleep and rest are two very different things.  Rest, like a good bed time with kids, requires effort.

As a missionary, I struggle with rest.  I have this irrational and unprovoked need to always be working.  I very rarely just sit down to enjoy TV, reading a book, or sewing (one of my favorite hobbies).  Don't get me wrong...I watch TV, but I'm almost always doing something while I watch/listen to it.  I am cooking, cleaning, preparing studies, folding laundry, something.  As a mom it seems to be a requirement to be a multi-tasker.  If you have more than one child you have to be able to multi-task because kids don't stand in line to wait their turn with their needs and wants.  It is a life of organized chaos at best.  Always on the go...earning my keep...or maybe keep up appearances??

Rest only truly comes when we set aside all distractions.  We walk away from our world of chaos to say, "Not now.  Now I rest."  It takes discipline and effort to rest.  It also takes self confidence.  Many scripture verses refer to rest.  Examples in scripture are given of even God himself resting on the 7th day after 6 days of creating the world.  God created us to need rest.  And there in lies the reason we struggle with rest so much...because Satan knows we need it.

Satan knows that if we do not rest our perspectives will twist, our thoughts will wander to the darkness, and our actions will not reflect our true desires.  We become lesser versions of ourselves and lesser value to the work of the kingdom.  In a nut shell, we become less of a threat to the work of Satan.

So, we must make a conscious effort to rest.  We must take time, be still, rejuvenate, and restore.  We must recognize that if God found it good to take a day of rest, that we are in no way superior to him and thus also in need of rest.

We must also recognize that rest can be part of our spiritual growth and not a break from it. By taking time to rest we can allow ourselves to hear God speak into our lives.  By resting and taking time for ourselves, we are not being selfish but instead valuing the life that God has blessed us with and showing God through our actions that we value his creation.

So this past week I rested.  I took time to sleep-in, to read, to plan out some sewing projects, and to spend time in the word.  And I chose not to feel guilty about it.  I encouraged my kids to do the same thing.  They made some dream lists up for their summer vacation, and spent time playing and enjoying each others company.  Bj has been out in his workshop making knives and whittling imaginative creations out of wood.  And we are better for it.

So if you, like myself, are a "doer" and thrive on crossing things off your to-do list let me encourage you to evaluate yourself.  When is the last time you took a day with no list?  When is the last time you didn't earn your keep but just were.  When was the last time you took time to lie on a bed full of stuffed animals to read books and giggle with your kiddos?  There will be time after books to chase the kids down the hall while trying to trap them into their diapers....

Cheese doodles and vending machines...

Have you ever seen someone trying to man handle a vending machine because their cheese doodles got stuck on the way down?  It's heartbreak and anger all wrapped up in a person tossing their body weight against a machine that is much bigger than themselves. I saw this several times the year I worked in a government office as a translator.  Co-workers that I thought were pretty low key would be doing karate chops at the vending machine to no avail.  People can get pretty passionate about their cheese doodles.  
                                             

I am kinda in a spot right now where I am the frustrated patron and the vending machine (my life) is not going according to plan.  I did what I was supposed to do.  I put in my money.  I pushed the button.  But there are my cheese doodles hanging there in front of me as if to say, "Sometimes you don't get what you think you have coming to you.  Sometimes you have to wait."  Sometimes ministry can be a whole bunch of bags of cheese doodles stuck in a vending machine.

It started when I put God in a box.  I really did.  I thought God would work in the way my mind had all planned out.  I thought I knew what was coming.  I knew it would be difficult, but I knew I had God on my side and so anything was possible.  But, when anything showed up outside my box I got a little disoriented.  I sat staring at my stuck cheese doodles. 

                             

So what do you do?  Well, the way I see it there are two options.  Option number one is to kick, push, shove, and rattle the machine until you get what you paid for.  I know there have been times when I have taken this option in ministry.  I have forced things to go my way. I have shaken, banged on, and rammed into things until I got what I wanted.   Ya know that pit in your stomach that kinda burns and churns when you try to force results out of a person or situation?  That's how I know what I am doing is not Gods best.  When my personal alarm goes off i have to stop and reconsider.

When I was a little girl this was one of my greatest faults.  My little sister Patti can tell you ALL about it.  I took it on as my personal duty to make her behave.  I knew what was right and was bent on making her comply.  When I took on that role I took something away from my sister.  I took away the opportunity for her to learn, at her own pace and in her own time, what was right...whether or not "right" was in agreement with my own opinions is to be written some other day....  She is a very grace filled little sister and we are great friends in our adult lives. 

Option number two is a bit more difficult.  Its taping a note to the vending machine for the technician to let him know what you feel you are due and hoping he comes to my desk with my cheese doodles at a later date. And then WALKING AWAY from the vending machine.   In our spiritual lives this is prayer.  We have the privilege of instant communication with the living God.  We can submit our thoughts and petitions to the ruler of the world and have faith that He hears us and loves us.  And then, we walk away. Not as if to say, I no longer care, but instead we hand over the burden to God and say, I trust you to take care of this. 

When we are no longer in "charge" of the difficult situation we can have a new found freedom.  Its no longer our problem.  Much like when your husband walks in the door from being gone for the day and you peel off the toddler from your right leg who has been attached there all afternoon yelling "take me for another ride mommy!!".  You've had all you can take, its no longer your turn to literally carry this burden.  And so, you lovingly hand over the child who smells of paste, play dough, and peanut butter to their father because daddy is ready to take care of things.  And your become lighter.  Your mood changes, you have hope that you can face the day because you have someone to go to and say "I've had enough, please take this." 

So, when life brings you situations that are outside of your box, hand them to God and ask for wisdom.  Don't be the one who is found growling and body slamming the vending machine.  Just tape a note on it and let the great technician up in the sky handle it.  After all, you really don't want to have to explain to people that you dislocated your shoulder wrestling a vending machine over a bag of cheese doodles?  Right?!