The unexpected plan

So I went and got my nails done yesterday as an effort to spend some girly time with Lydia.  There are these kind ladies who sit in our local park square and paint nails all day.  Many of my friends have gone and their nails always look great.  But each time I go I walk away with what looks like nail art courtesy of my toddler.  I try to pick easy designs.  I try to find fun ideas that seem simple.  But it never works.  Lydia picks the most complicated, paint a reindeer on each fingernail, designs and her's turn out great!  My co-worker and dear friend Jennifer went with Lydia and myself for this adventure and she got penguins and snowmen on her nails.  They look fabulous.  But as I sat and got my nails done I tried to convince myself that the nail artist had a plan.  Surely she knew what she was doing and when it was all done it wouldn't  look as terrible as it did in that moment....and then she finished and it looked no better.  Lydia's advice was to just go for it and pick the funniest thing I could think of next time. 

I got to thinking about this and I realized that I am a gal who appreciates a plan. I am not a "just go for it" type of personality.   In fact, I always assume everybody has one.  After all, doesn't everyone wake up with a running list going through their minds planning out their day before their feet hit the ground?!  It only took me 12 years into my marriage to truly understand that not everyone feels a compulsion to make a plan.  Some people are more free spirits who live moment to moment in absolute bliss.  And we need those people to calm down our crazy list making selves. 

I have been struggling lately with not having a plan.  BJ and I have felt God calling us to move further into the province and yet the only home we found as a possibility did not work out.  Now we are a people with a heart calling and yet no visible plan.  Its kinda tricky.  But in this holiday season it is very easy for me to remember that I am not alone in my desire to see the master plan of how this will go. 

Many years ago there was a little baby born into a manger and the whole world was waiting for him to arrive and yet nobody saw it coming.  They were waiting for a grande King to come in like a bull in a china cabinet.  They were waiting for something they had already imagined out in their minds.  So much so that when the real Savior showed up nobody recognized it.  It wasn't in their plan.  They didn't allow their minds to accept that maybe God's plan was something they hadn't imagined.  Maybe it was bigger. 

And this is where we arrive to the place that we must be so carful to avoid.  We must not plan our lives out so much that we don't allow breathing room for the Holy Spirit.  We must not walk around going from task to task with tunnel vision.  We need to  allow the wiggle room in our lives so that God's plan, no matter how different or distant from our plan, can take over.  It can be fairly simple at times, throwing money in the offering plate that we didn't plan on, stopping to talk to a new person we see in the neighborhood, or it can be hard.  Super duper stretching hard.    It can be living day by day waiting to see how God's plan will unfold and living peacefully during that time of the unknown. 

At Christmas time its easy to be reminded that God has a plan that is far greater than we could have ever imagined and it is good.  "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." This verse, Jeremiah 29:11, was a great help as I was talking to Elijah about the house in Chaguarpamba falling through.  He came up to me later, after quoting that verse to him, and told me that he was going to choose to believe that even though it was hard.  And I realized the wisdom of a 10 year old child.  Some days it is just as simple as choosing to believe what we know in our heads to be true.  God does have a plan, and a good one.  When we put our faith in the one who is worthy of it, God will bless us. 

So who are we choosing to have faith in?  If its God we are on a great road.  If its that nail lady down at the park....there may not be enough faith in the world....

Running towards crazy

Drinking more then 3 cups of coffee in a day; eating 3 pieces of cake in one sitting; going to the grocery store hungry; giving Micah a lollipop....these are all things I have done, then promised myself I would not do again, and then gone and done again.  Seriously.  I have issues.  Can anyone identify with me?!  I must be nuts.  I know its going to be bad and yet I just keep running towards crazy with unguarded abandon.  I am a glutton for punishment. 

 I found myself in this place yet again today.  I had a crazy freak out moment (moments if I was being completely honest).  I jumped off the sanity bus and right on to the out of her stinkin' mind bus.  It all seemed completely rational at the time but once I removed myself from the situation and took a few calming breathes, and a few sips of coffee, I gained some perspective. When will I ever learn that putting God is a box is never a good idea?!

BJ and I have been praying about moving further out into the province where we are working.  It would mean living in a more remote area but it would cut down our driving substantially.  Currently we are driving anywhere from 15-20 hours a week.  We would like to spend more time building relationships and less time in the car. Our ever so wise boss asked us to pray about it.  So we did and we began asking God to provide a way for us to move deeper into Loja Province. 

Step one was deciding where to look.  There are not a lot of options so that didn't take long.  There is one main road and four towns between where we live now and the furthest place we have ministry in which is 2 1/2 to 3 hours away depending on who is driving.   Living on the main road was not realistic because we would either live in fear of mudslides falling on our home or in fear of the home falling off the side of  the mountain.  So that left the four towns...none of them very big.  We kept praying that God would be clear.  Show us a home or close the door to the possibilities please! 

We began looking.  Three of the towns had no possibilities for various reasons.  In the final town we had our own guide to house hunting.  One of the sweet ladies we are discipling showed us around to every home available in the town.  It was so kind of her and yet a little disheartening.  We saw a three room home (not 3 bedrooms...rooms).  We saw a home where the roof was caving in.  We also saw a house where the bathroom was outside and you could see through the floor boards to the ground...and it had no electricity or running water.  It was looking pretty bleak. 

So we continued asking God to show us where to look or change our hearts.  We had seen and heard about this house on the mountainside that was owned by the towns old mayor.  We got in touch with him and he agreed to show us the house.  Now, we generally play the imagination game when we look at houses in Ecuador.  We walk inside them and imagine what it could be instead of what it is.  We pretend we don't see dead bugs, dead birds, dead mice, dirty walls, or even chickens roaming around as if they own the place.  But this time was different.  We walked in and were pleasantly surprised.  A beautiful kitchen, roomy living room, three bedrooms, and two showers.  There was even hot water...which we haven't had for the past year and a half.  And the view...oh my...the view....

Now I would be remiss if I said it was perfect.  It's not.  There are a few things that must change if we were to occupy this home...like all the bedroom doors are attached to the outside of the house instead of the inside.  But, it could work and its the only house that we found that was even in the realm of working. And did I mention the view?!  It was at this point that I put God in a box.  Did you catch it?  It was so subtle and small.  One word...only.  The "only house". 

 And there went God into the box.  "God!  This is the only option!  This is it!  You better show up!  When are you going to take care of this?!"  Can you hear the panic in my head screaming out?!  It was a slippery slope and I buttered my skis.  That same day I got into my car to drive (I drive a lot).  I flipped on a sermon by James McDonald and it was all about faith.  It was as if God himself came down and smacked me upside my head.  I'm ok with it.  It was necessary.  I need a good kick in the shorts from time to time.  But what frustrates me is that I need that kick for the same reason time after time. 

My life is a roadmap of faithfulness on God's part.  Time after time he has shown up and pulled through.  Always.  But me, I can't be trusted.  I doubt, judge, and fear.  I forget how much has been taken care of.  I forget what He has done.  I abandon the one consistently perfect thing in my life.  And why?  Because I can't always figure out the plan.  God didn't clue me in on how things would pan out and so I throw a fit.  Imagine that little child we have all seen kicking and screaming as they lie on the floor in a fit of rage.  That's me. 

So what is this repeat offender to do?  How does one break the cycle?  Well, one thing I have realized is that itty bitty progress is still progress.  James McDonald talks about overcoming our short comings by conquering them more frequently and increasingly so.  Its not an overnight conquest.  But instead it is daily fighting to keep the focus on God and not the situation.  This is my current battle.  I have good days and bad but I see a pattern arising.  A shorter freak out time and a quicker refocusing.  Its not perfect but it is progress.

Hebrews 12:1 says, "Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us."  A cloud of witnesses.  You see?  We are not alone.  We don't just have our own life to look at to see God's faithfulness.  Nope.  We have every believer that has walked this earth.  Look at any life dedicated to Christ and you can see God's faithfulness.  Just ask!  How has God been faithful to you?  You will hear amazing stories. 

 

And so I wait.  I wait to go and talk to the landlord of this beautiful house on Saturday.  I will continue to pray that God will provide a home for us closer to our work.  But I will do it within the parameters of recognizing that even if we don't get this house, that God's plan is still alive and well. We may stay put and drive crazy amounts of hours each week.  We may be provided with a totally different house that we could have never imagined.  Or, we might get to rent the house we are hoping for.  Location is no longer the point....building my faith in a God who has always been faithful...that's where I need to be right now.