Mary had Chaos too

Chaos and Christmas go together.  Does that sound bad?  It’s true no matter how you look at it.  There is so much to be done and so many activities to attend.  The more we plan and try to pretend it is not crazy the worse it gets.  Think back to the beginning.  Even the first Christmas was total chaos.  Mary and Joseph were forced at the last minute to travel miles and miles for a census.  When they finally got to Bethlehem they were running so behind schedule that everyone else had already taken up all the available rooms.  They ended up in the stable with the animals.  I think Mary and I would have been good friends.  It was a pretty chaotic night. 

But it’s what Mary did amidst the chaos that spoke to my heart this Christmas.  Luke 2:19 says, “But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.” She didn’t try to pretend that the chaos wasn’t there, instead she chose to stop amidst the chaos and store up the treasures happening all around her. 

Many things are happening in our lives here in Ecuador right now.  Many blessings that translate to much business.  We just turned in our  adoption paperwork and it was accepted!  We are just a few steps away from getting our names on the waiting list for a child.   Super exciting!  We are in the midst of starting up a youth group in Chaguarpamba where we are living.  This past week we restarted our kids’ club that meets once a month.  We planned for 15-20 kids and had 42 show up!!  It was such a great chance  to share Jesus with the kids of Chaguarpamba.  We are having every day encounters with the people in town.  Relationships are forming and trust is being built.  We love what we are doing!  

Amidst the chaos of ministry and homeschooling our children life is pretty chaotic.  We have had to intentionally take time to stop and focus on the true meaning of Christmas.  Just like Mary, we are taking time to treasure all that Christmas represents.  Mary sat with the Christ child in her arms rocking him to sleep.  She knew so little of what lay ahead in her future, but she knew that  special was written all over it.  “God with us” was in her lap! 

As Christmas approaches will you join us in being intentional about spending time pondering the meaning of Christmas?  Sit in the stillness of the morning and read through the miracle of Christmas.  Before you go to bed at night read through a devotional that will help you treasure up the promise that is wrapped in Christmas.  Can you hear the amazing excitement in the air?  Ministry is about to burst open here in town.  But before the bursting, there is quiet.  Treasure it up in your hearts!

We pray your Christmas this year will be full of the true meaning of hope that was born that night. 

Merry Christmas,

The Williamson Family

 

                                                        

                                                                                            

Rodents of Unusual Sizes and Deep Grief

I was on my daily walk.  Walk might be too gentle a word.  Its a steep mountain we live on and walking anywhere requires bulging leg muscles that I am still trying to muster.  I had made it to the top and was on the steep road down when a watusa (Think rodents of unusual sizes from the movie Princess Bride) walked out in front of me.  If you don't know that they are vegetarians you might want to run screaming like I did....but up was the only escape and I didn't want to go up.  Rather, I couldn't because my leg muscles were not yet bulging.  This walk had suddenly gone way off plan.  I thought this dark furred mammal staring at me was going to eat me and then it brought out its baby as if to show me why it was going to eat me.  This momma watusa was not going to let me come between her and her baby.  My routine walk had suddenly become anything but routine.

Sometimes life comes at you that way.  This past week was a "watusa walk" kinda week. It started out like a "routine walk" and then suddenly we got the call.  A dear friend of ours in our town here in Ecuador had suddenly died of a heart attack.  Within about an hour of finding out that heart breaking news, we received news from the states that my grandfather was being rushed to the ER for what was later diagnosed as a massive stroke to the brain stem.  It was hard to know what to do first.  I wanted to hide in the house and wait by the phone, but I also knew that my dear friend and her 5 children where a few blocks away suffering at the sudden loss of their husband and father.

Some of the hardest times of being a missionary are when things are going on back home that you can't get to.  You want so desperately to go home and comfort your loved ones.  You want to link arms and help each other carry on.  You want that physical hug.  But as I climbed the mountain carrying my own grief, my husband and I went and sat with our friend.  There are no perfect words in those times.  There is nothing you can say that will even begin to take the pain away.  You just sit and let them know that you will not let them go through this alone.  You cry with them to let them know they do not cry alone.  Its not about fixing things. What is broken is now irreparable. It's about being present through the hard times.

This is why we moved to this town.  We wanted to be available for the good times and bad. I have spent the last several days sitting with my friend in her grief.  I have seen her children, most who are just entering into adulthood, crying out for their father who left them too soon.  I have seen his daughter weep for the loss of a father who was supposed to be walking her down the isle on her wedding day in two weeks.  I have seen his glassy eyed twelve year old daughter stare into nothing as she begins to process what has just happened.  And through the tears I know this is where I am supposed to be.

We went to the wake and saw hundreds of people come and stand in the streets to show their support and love for the family.  We brought the family some soup and bread to help nourish weary bodies.  We sat and talked about the good memories.  We talk about the loving words that were last spoken.  We talk about their paperwork and banking that needs to be dealt with.  We talk about nothing at all.  We hugged a lot.  We went to the funeral and saw so many people get up and speak kindly of a man who was so loved and admired in his town.  He was a doting husband and loving father in a culture where both are hard to come by.  People noticed the way he lived his life.  We went to the grave site and watched his wife and children say their final goodbyes.

We have witnessed a community come together and care for the new widow and her family.   We have seen good.  But we have also seen darkness.  Webster's Dictionary identifies idols as a representation or symbol of an object of worship, a false god.  We have seen a community praying to so many different idols asking them to guide Samuel's soul to heaven. We have seen people spend hours praying to remind God of the good things Samuel did so that God would let him into heaven.  We have seen so many people recognize a need to get to heaven but not truly understand the sacrifice that Christ made for each of them.  So many people here are trying to work for their salvation.  Trying to accumulate enough good deeds to persuade God that they are good enough to be heaven worthy.  If only they understood how filthy our good deeds look in comparison to the great and amazing act Christ did on the cross.

We live here to love.  We live here to live life with the lost so that some day they might be found.  We point to the cross.  We point to forgiveness.  We point to a Savior who has already paid the entrance fee of heaven.

As I was trying to explain to my children about their grandfather and how he was very sick I struggled to get the words out.  Too much grief, it seemed, for such little hearts.  As I spoke with my oldest son I told him that we would not be returning to the states if their Poppop did pass away.  And his childlike wisdom seemed ages more mature than my own.  He said to me, "Mom, we need to let our family in the states comfort each other, and we need to comfort our family here that has lost their dad and father."

And so with the wisdom of a child I take another step.  I offer another hug to a grieving wife.  I sit and hold her hand.  Ministry this week is being present and available.  And tomorrow, when I walk up the mountain, I will rejoice in the walks that do not include a watusa.  But I will accept the days that do, because even a watusa has a purpose, like getting my heart rate up just a bit more.

Hungry Hippos

Hungry Hippos.  For kids it is a fun game of gathering marbles by pressing a lever to get their hippopotamus to eat as many marbles from the center of the board.  To every parent it is the noisiest and most obnoxious game of all time.  Last night I was given an amazing t-shirt that symbolizes how I have been living these past few weeks.  

                                     

We have received our clearance to return to Ecuador and I have literally turned into the Hungry Hippo.  Scrambling, gathering, hording every possible thing we could need to return to Ecuador for four years.  It is a loud and messy process.  The amount of boxes and packaging materials in our home could confuse us for amazon’s packing center.  I wake up with a list of my “marbles” that I need to get that day.  Go! Go!  Get the marbles!  Buy extra underwear!!  Micah grew 6 inches last night!  Buy more clothes!!  What if Eli and Lydia do the same thing next week?  Buy them more clothes!  Shoes!  Get shoes!  What if they shrink?!  (This really happens!  USA fast food is no joke!)  Make sure they have smaller clothes too!  Oh, and make sure it totals up to the maximum weight requirement or less for luggage!!

                 

When you know that you will not see a Walmart, Target, or Amazon for 4 years you get into hungry hippo mode.  And yet, Spiritually I feel the same way.  We are getting ready to head back to Ecuador and live in a community that does not have a church.  We are going back to a spiritually dry community.  I feel as though every church service and prayer meeting that I attend needs to last in my heart.  I take notes so I can review the teachings once I am home.  I have horded my spiritual marbles as well.  Bible studies, devotionals, study videos.  And now the suitcases are zipped shut and we are ready to step on the plane. 

What lies ahead we never really know.  Plans change in a moments notice.  Circumstances change.  But what we know and what we firmly stand on is the knowledge, the truth, that God is good and has a plan.  God offers hope, has a plan for Loja province.  He has called us to go and even though the goodbyes squeeze every tear from our eyes, we step forward knowing we serve a God who can be trusted.  We serve a God who knows us and knows His plans for us.  God asked us several years ago to step out in faith and move to a remote community in southwestern Ecuador and we said yes.  That calling in our hearts remains.  The phone text messages and other contacts from our friends in these communities have kept our hearts hungry to return to Ecuador during these past 10 months in the states.  

                                         

The mountains that God has moved from before us to allow us to return has been astounding.  We held up our hands and handed God the support we needed to raise in order to be able to return.  It seemed too hard.  Too much to raise in too short a time.  But God calmed our hearts and provided ministry partners in amazing ways.  God has healed broken ankles and a sprained foot.  God has provided healing to my back and neck issues and even provided instruments to keep it that way.  Our hearts are full. 

 

And so as we climb onto the plane today and step out again in faith not really knowing what lies ahead we cling to what we do know.  God is good and has an amazing plan for our lives.  God loves us and the people of Ecuador.  And there is no better or safer place to be than at the center of His will.  So, as I sit here this morning sipping my coffee and trying to recall if each computer and phone has been charged, if the laundry was removed from the dryer, if each marble is in its place, I will cling to my spiritual marbles.  I will call to mind each bible verse I have gathered in my heart and know that those marbles, though they are many, don’t weigh a thing and won’t put our luggage over weight!

Willy Wonka and the hissy fit

"Don't care how, I want it now!" Do you remember the scene?  Veruca Salt is running through the candy factory having a full blown hissy fit because she wants a golden goose. Willy Wonka says that his golden geese are not for sale and she just loses it.  Fist shaking, kicking, yelling; it's definitely not her parents proudest moment.  My sweet daughter just finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for her schooling and it gave me time to reminisce of watching the movie as a child.

As much as I like to believe that Veruca is this ridiculous character in a fictitious book, I have more  in common with her then I'd like to admit.  Recently I have been contemplating how fickle I can be in my relationship with the Lord.  I talk to God and tell Him my heart but when I do not see the resolution I feel is right or the answers I feel I deserve, I go"all Veruca". I kick, I scream, I shake my fist.  Can anyone relate?  Now granted this is not a public display that takes place.  It's not even a "lock myself in a quiet room" kind of moment.  Instead, it is a "in my mind" kind of moment.  But, it happens.  And whether or not its in front of others or in the solitude of my mind...God knows it is there.

I have been raised better than this.  I have been taught how to treat people.  I was brought up to respect those in leadership and to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I know how to behave.  So, why then when I am talking to the one who deserves more respect than any other, more faith, more everything, do I deliver the least?

The contradiction that goes on between my words and my actions seem miles apart.  I ask God to produce growth in my life and then gripe when the growing pains come.  I pray for patience and complain about the trials that provoke it.  I cry out for maturity and kick in my heals as experiences arise that ripen it.

This past month has been a bit difficult for me and I believe it's time to call it what it is; an opportunity to rejoice.   Yes its been rough.  Things have not gone how I wanted.  Problems have arisen.  Frustrations have reared their ugly heads.  But, if my eyes were truly open, I would be rejoicing.  Not that fake smile that people plaster on their faces to "fake it until they make it."  Oh no.  I am talking genuine joyful smiles.

Joy is not determined by circumstance.  Joy is not defined by our surroundings but rather by WHO surrounds us.  Regardless of what we are going through if we believe scripture, we know that God is worthy of our trust.  The maker of the universe has our best interest at heart.  In Hebrews 11 Scripture says that "... it is impossible to please God without faith."  We know that faith does not just show up.  Instead it is proven and built.  And its result is deepened relationship.  Even in our human relationships, our deepest faith lies with those who have gone through the gauntlets with us; those who have proven faithful in the hard times.  God is gracious to us for giving us the hard times.  He knows our hearts.  These hard times are not for His benefit.  Instead, these hard times are for us to learn how faithful God is to us. It is so that God's faithfulness becomes more then head knowledge.  It becomes experience.   Allow me to repeat myself:  They are for our benefit!!

I keep a journal to help me remember this.  When I see God accomplish big things in my life I write them down.  When I struggle, I go to this list and remind myself that God has never abandoned me. My God loves me and He loves you too.  He hears us when we ask for growth, patience, and maturity.  And when God reaches out to us to teach us and prove to us these deeply important lessons, we need not go "all Veruca."  We need to rejoice.  Show joy.  Because Our Heavenly Father has answered "Yes" to our prayers.  Yes, times can be difficult and lessons are at times hard to get through but God is going to bring beauty.  He is going to show Himself faithful and teach us what that looks like.  And if I keep kicking and screaming I might miss the point.  I might miss the golden ticket of opportunity because the chocolate bar came wrapped in a packaging I did not expect.

Everything AND the Kitchen Sink

There is a kitchen sink sitting in my dining room.  Not an extra sink set up and functioning mind you.  Just a sink.  It is silently mocking me.  It is a daily reminder of what has yet to come and what is currently going on.  Its tilted against a book shelf and waiting for the day it will be put in a suitcase and taken to Ecuador, and yes...when we travel we take everything AND the kitchen sink.  I need it there.  I can't bring myself to put it away. 

The sink is a gentle reminder that we need to get back to Ecuador.  Every day as I walk past it I am forced to face the fact that although we need to get back to Ecuador in June, our funding is only at 60% and our support account started this month in the negative. God has called us to return to Ecuador and there is no doubt about that. I just wish I knew the plan to get us back there. Sometimes our road back to Ecuador is a difficult one.  It is usually a big unknown.  But we are not alone in our unknown and difficult road. 

God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son and did not reveal His plan to provide a ram until the very last moment (Genesis 22).  God did not reveal his plan to Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednigo until they had stepped into the fire (Daniel 3).  And, God did not reveal His full plan for Jesus to all humanity until after Jesus had been crucified, dead, buried, and raised from the dead (check out all four gospels!). 

My situation is nothing new.  It is also no surprise.  The truth is that God often times allows difficulty to come our way.  It is not that God is singling us out.  It is actually quite the contrary.  We live in a fallen world and with a fallen world comes difficulty.  I am not talking about the deep dark heart ache that rears its ugly face and leaves us breathless.  That is another blog for another day.  I am referring to the uncomfortable moments that pepper our lives. 

We must be cautious not to exaggerate our difficulties and we must keep perspective. In a world full of suffering our daily frustrations seem too small to address.  But, day by day they are there and they are calling our name.  What do we do?  How do we act?  And why on earth can't they just go away?!

What we do is call our difficulties what they are; growing pains.  My youngest currently gets up at night complaining that his legs hurt.  It's growing pains.  He is shooting up taller and faster than his clothing can keep up with him.  He is experiencing pain because he is growing.  Growth often causes pain.  We can expect that.  But what we can also expect is the result.  We can expect to be taller when it is over.  If we handle our daily difficulties correctly we can also be taller at the end of the day.  We can find ourselves having grown deeper in our faith and stronger. 

We surely don't need to pretend that our difficulties do not bother us.  Pretending is just a fluffy word for lying and lying never got anyone anywhere good.  We need to face our difficulties with the grace and poise of a person who knows that in the end God has a plan.  It's the difference that a world walking, sometimes running, towards hell needs to see.  It is in those moments the non-believer notices a difference.  We hold our head up.  We live with hope.  And when asked, we need to have the reason for our hope ready to be shared.  Just check out 1 Peter 3:15.

This is why our difficulties can't just "go away."  God has a plan for them.  When difficulties show up the Christian's response has the potential to point to Jesus and save lives eternally.  Most people don't respond well to difficulty.  Many people complain about their situation, blame others for their problems, or hide in a hole to try to escape them.  But God calls us to be different.  Roman 12:12 says, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."  We are to be joyful not because we are pretending but because deep down we have the hope of Jesus.  We are to be patient because growing takes time.  And, we are to be faithful in prayer.  When our difficult times arrive are we spending more time complaining and worrying or on our knees in prayer? 

And so today, as my sink is sitting in the dining room staring at me and our support account is looking tired and weak, I choose joy.  I leave the sink there because I need to practice choosing joy.  It does not just happen.  I choose it.  I choose to find hope in the God who has made a way for all to be redeemed because He deserves that and so much more.  I find patience because I know that "...all things work together for good for them that love God."(Romans 8:28).  I will pray to God that I will grow and strengthen in my faith during these difficult times.  I will also pray that that sink will fit into our suitcase because we forgot to take the tape measure with us when we bought it.   

wandering feet

"Andi!  Your feet are pointed in two different directions! That's not going to help you get where your going!"  It was an eye opening statement. At 6:30 am I was not quite awake and the fact that I was doing a squat seemed to me to be sufficient.  But that's why we have trainers.  They keep you on your toes...and your toes in the right direction.

I started to think about the coaches words of wisdom.  If your feet are pointed in two different directions you will not be able to get where you are going.  Practical advice.  My brain mingled these thoughts with my own personal walk with God.  What are the paths that my feet try to walk down simultaneously with my walk with God?  The path of easy.  The path of personal preference.  The path of good enough.  The path of me first.

God requires both feet in the same direction.  Total dedication. I was working with Micah the other day on learning the number 5.  I instructed him to go and pick out 5 different colored crayons so that we could do an art project.  He came back with 5 different shades of orange.  He had one foot pointed towards the "listening" path and one pointed towards the "everything must be orange" path.  He was not all in.

God gives us many opportunities to be all in.  Often, instead of pointing both of our feet down God's path we try to walk in two different directions.  We try to figure out how we can please God but keep it within our own boundaries.  We try to do what He asks but do it "our" way.  For growth to take place we must be willing to go outside of our comfort zone.

Why is it that we seem to fall into this false illusion that God asking us to do something difficult means that He can not be trusted?  Page after page in scripture we see difficult situations presented and God's faithfulness winning out.  Look at Joshua.  His story in scripture is so outside the box.  Imagine what you would have done if God told you to assemble your army and start marching circles around your enemy.  Don't touch them.  Don't bring extra ammunition.  Just march circles.

It was not the easy path.  And it could not have been accomplished with one foot facing another direction.  Joshua's army was all in.  They marched those circles and when God said to "yell out" they yelled out and God tumbled the wall. What if they had quietly strolled around that wall?  What if instead of yelling they just quietly whispered so that others didn't look and point?

Where in my life are my feet pointed in two different directions?  Where am I trying to fit God into my own rules?  Where can I give up control so that I can go deeper in relationship with the creator of the universe?   It starts with a small step.  It starts with twisting my foot around to join my other foot and it takes practice.  Old habits are hard to beat and it does not always happen without a fight.  As I go back to the gym each day I get those gentle reminders as the trainer yells across the room, "Andi, feet!!".  The trainer is on my side but he is not willing to let me half do my workout.  He reminds me what I am fighting for.  Just as I need accountability in my workout we also need accountability in our walk with God.

Sharing our goals and desires for growth with other believers who are willing to do the "hard" with us is called fellowship.  We were not made to walk these paths alone.  We need others along side us to help us keep our feet pointed in the same direction. As we encourage others in their walk with God we too are encouraged.  And as others encourage us we find that we are not alone.  We find that there are others who have stories like Joshua.  Others who God has asked to go outside their comfort zone and find deeper relationship.  It requires trust and guts.  It requires willingness.  And at 6:30 in the morning at the gym, it requires a trainer hollering out , "Andi!  Feet".