The adoption story

I am a person changed forever.  My perspective on life has been altered in an unskewable way that forever has altered my path.  I can't go back from where I come and I would not if I had the choice.  Wondering if I am sane or crazy is a daily occurrence.  Every day is packed with adventure and surprises.  It has been two months since we welcomed Jonathan Israel Williamson into our family.

I have so many questions that may never find their answers.  I have missed so many moments in this little boys life that I can not recuperate.  The natural connection that a mother has to her child is being built instead of naturally existing.  Adoption is not natural.  It is not what I thought it would be.  And yet, it is so much more.

The first time that we met Jonathan he was a trembling little boy clinging to his care giver and burrowing his face into her shoulder.  Even though he was only a few weeks shy of 3 years old his little soul knew something huge was on the horizon.  He was taken back outside to the patio to calm down.  Micah went outside to peek in on his new little brother.  He slowly walked over to this innocently fear filled child and  reached out.  Together they sat down on the pavement and played with a toy car that we had mailed to Jonathan the week before.  They sat together and built trust in the form of simple play.

As time ticked by we slowly inched our way closer to the two playing boys.  My youngest son was the bridge to my new youngest son.  It was beautiful and amazing all wrapped up in a few flittering moments.  And that was how it began.

Adoption is not at all what I thought it would be.  It is harder.  It is uglier.  It is raw and unguarded.  It is nothing that I thought it would be and more amazing than I could have ever imagined.  It is more rewarding.  It is more fulfilling.  It is more life changing.  Adoption is life altering.

Joseph was an adoptive father in scripture.  He raised a baby who was not his own.  He spent time with Jesus in his wood shop teaching him his trade.  He shared his love of creating with the son of the creator of the universe.  I now have new respect for Joseph.  He took a chance.  He chose to love. He welcomed a child who was not his own, into his life and into his heart.

As we approach the Christmas season my heart finds new glimmers of inspiration and joy.  Jesus knew what it was to be adopted.  Joseph knew what it was to choose to love.  Psalm 27:10 says, "Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me."  Adoption is all through scripture and Christmas is the pinnacle moment where it all begins to unfold.  We see the sweet innocent baby in a manger who is being sheltered and cared for by his adoptive father Joseph.  This innocent baby, the Christ Child, then grows up and saves the world.  Jesus bridges the gap between a sinful human race and a perfect heavenly father.  Jesus made the adoption possible.  He made a way for us to be adopted into God's family.

As we get ready to celebrate our first Christmas together as a family of 6 we are priveledged to a new insight into what it means to be adopted into the family of God.  We are chosen by God.  We are loved not because we did something worthy of love, but because God chose to love us.  And just as Jonathan is a delight to us even on the difficult days, we too are a delight to our heavenly father no matter what type of day we are having.  The Christ child who himself was adopted, came into the world so that we could all be adopted into the family of God.  Let us enter into the season of Christmas knowing that baby Jesus is just the beginning of the world's greatest adoption story.

I am not a carpet

Lying on the floor pretending I am not present....this totally could explain me most recently.  Lately I have woken up and peeked out from under the covers hoping and praying for calm.  Life has been pretty overwhelming.  So much going on.  High highs. Low lows.  It has been a whirlwind.  I have never desired low key moments so much as I have this past few months.  I feel as though I could have whiplash from the extremes.

Just about a month ago we welcomed an amazing little boy into our family.  His joy has been a delight to us.  Every day is a gift.  Every song that comes on is worthy of being danced to.  Every toy needs to be played with as he gleefully narrates playtime.  His joy is contagious and uplifting.  Jonathan has been the highest of highs.  

Just over 3 months ago Elijah became chronically sick and no one seemed to be able to figure out what was wrong.  He suffered and faked his way through the days not knowing the cause of his stomach pain.  His pain has been my lowest of lows.  God and I have spent a lot of time talking about timing, about "why now?", and about "when is enough, enough?".  Doctors believe they have found the problem but healing will be slow and time is needed.  

I have asked God many times this past few months if he has mistaken me for some type of superhero.  I am no superhero.  I am tired. I am overwhelmed.  I am living a roller coaster life.  But I am also a child of the LIVING GOD.  When life is too much I have had to place it all in my Father's hands and trust that He has a plan.  

Jesus knew very well what the overwhelmed life was all about.  He had so much potential to be overwhelmed.  Crowds and crowds of people wanting him to heal, touch, care for, fix.  Never a moment of peace. Never enough quiet. But Jesus had great boundaries.  When he was overwhelmed he would separate himself from the crazy and spend time in the presence of his Father.  There his heart would find comfort.  There he was renewed.  

As I have felt the overwhelming ebbs and flows of life I have found myself clinging to my morning quiet times.  Studying God's word and sipping coffee in the quiet mornings before little feet hit the floor has sustained me.  It has not taken away difficulties but it has given me hope to handle them.  It has given me words to share with Elijah as he passes through these difficult times.  It has given me peace in my heart.  

I have also asked for others to pray for us.  Our prayer team members have helped sustain us when we were too overwhelmed to utter the prayers ourselves.  I have found peace at times when peace was inexplainable.  I have found hope because others have gone before the throne and asked for it in our place.  I have seen the body of Christ in action and it has been a balm to my heart.  

So as I daily take steps forward in the life God has laid before me I will resist the desire to hide.  I will claim the promises God layes out in His word.  I will stop trying to hide in the carpet and begin praising God for the moments of joy that are the highs of my day.  I will stop trying hide in a carpet and choose to trust in God's plan.  God has never let me down.  I know He has his best for me.  I choose to see Him at work.  

Mimes and the Comfortable Life

Fingernails through the chair.  That's how tightly i was gripping my chair.  I was trying to force myself not to run away.  There was an interpretive dancer on stage.  I distinctly remember repeating to myself in my mind, your not on stage doing this, this is not your problem.  I have a few irrational fears.  One of them is mimes; another is interpretive dancers.  When I attended Asbury College this fear would occasionally surface when I had to watch any type of interpretive dance or miming during chapel service.  I feel a deep down embarrassment any time I see that white face and gloved hands or interpretive arm swinging to music.  The thought of crawling under my chair and hiding calls my name.  Really all I want to do is run away.  I am not alone in this fear and graciously God gave me a friend in college who understood my mime-aphobia.

Recently I started reflecting over my deep need to flee from the uncomfortable.  I think its a fairly normal response.  No one likes to be uncomfortable.  In some ways God has put that "flee" tendency in us as protection.  We see a shady looking character who might want to mug us and we flee.  That is a good thing.  We see smoke filling a room with no fireplace and we quickly exit the building.  When we see cheese with fuzzy mold growing on it, we make it flee from us by throwing it out. That too is a good thing.   But, what about those times when the uncomfortable is good for us?


Recently in ministry I have been faced with  those uncomfortable moments.  Instead of being in the background of our kids club organizing crafts and planning game time, where I am most comfortable, I have been in front of everyone running crafts and games. I have even been caught a time or two doing hand motions to the music.  (That is fairly close to the mime/interpretive dance category)

                                                          

Doing ministry in a new location where your fairly isolated can definitely be uncomfortable.  Many of times I have found myself wishing we had more team working with us in town.  It can become lonely.  Its hard to find balance between reaching out to an entire community and taking care of home life.  Some days it feels like a lot just to go into town to buy groceries or pay bills.  Uncomfortable is a common occurrence in our lives.

But, what I have learned in these past six months is what that discomfort brings.  It has brought relationship.  In my loneliness I have not had team members living right here beside us to rely on, so I have dug into relationships with new friends in the community.  Relationships that I might not have reached for had I had the comforts of team.  I have found that I am encouraging others in town to get involved with helping the childrens' club and get involved in teaching.  I would not have had that opportunity if we had team here working with us. Those opportunities would have been missed.  Those relationships would not be deepening had I been more comfortable.

At times I lose sight of what is important.  Why do I think things always need to be comfortable?  Was Moses comfortable when God asked him to go and tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites be free?  Was Gideon comfortable when God had him whittle down his army from 32,000 men to 300 men as he was about to go into battle with the Midianite army?  And what about Jesus?  He was obviously not comfortable when we he was hanging on the cross and dying for all of our sins!

So why do I start searching for reasons that something might be wrong when things are uncomfortable? Its just a way to flee.  But sometimes we need to stick a stake in the ground and hang on.  We need to look for the blessings that can come out of the discomfort.  Life is not supposed be gaged by comfort or discomfort.  That is not the way we were designed.

We were designed to glorify God.  We were designed to share the good news of salvation for all.  And if that causes a bit of discomfort that's ok by me because the outcome is worth the price.  Leading people to Christ and breaking new ground where we are living; that is the point.  We are here to be uncomfortable for Jesus.  Facing Satan and his armies was never meant to be a comfortable situation.  But just like Gideon, God may have dwindled down our army to a small amount, so small that it is just BJ, me, and the kids living here in this town.  But oh how amazing it will be as lives are won for Christ.  Because in that moment we will only be able to say, it was by no power we possess but by the power of God, that lives were changed.

So we go on day by day in our discomfort.  We put ourselves in vulnerable situations and try to connect with people who are open to listening to what we have to say.  We try to keep our eyes open for opportunities to present themselves where we can show love. We go to graduations, weddings, and school events where we stick out like a sore thumb (or very white gringos).   We go outside our home and live life with the people of Chaguarpamba and in our discomfort we are blessed.  So tomorrow when I wake up I will embrace the discomfort and know that I am growing deeper in my relationship with Christ as I step forward in the work he has put before me.  I just pray he never asks me to be a mime!