Half marathons and farewells

Several years ago I ran a half marathon.  You may thing this is about to be a pat myself on the back type of story but listen closely and you will see how wrong you are.  I ran a half marathon and was the last runner across the line.  Now, mind you, I was not the last racer across the line.  There are always the walkers.  I was in that gap.  I was the slowest runner, or the fastest walked depending on how you looked at it!  I had always wanted to see if I could finish this type of race and I did.  It took a lot of practice and to this day my left knee has not forgiven me for it. 
My husband came and took the finish line picture but those are deeply buried.  It was not that glorious and graceful finish line photo we all see on TV.  I had imagined it many times before the race; what it would be like to cross that finish line in victory; the wind blowing through my hair, my legs lunging for the finish line.  Instead, it was the hottest day i have ever experienced (which might be because I was running a half marathon!) and as I approached the finish line my hair was plastered to my face, my very very red face.  I was shuffling towards the finish barely able to make it.

  Suddenly there was a girl who had already finished the race who came back to run the last leg along side me.  I don't know who she was to this day.  But she talked to me and distracted me through the final steps, and just before the finish line she said to me, "I am going to let you finish these last few steps alone so your picture is just you coming across the line."Many times in life we imagine how certain situations are going to turn out.  We have a snapshot in our mind that we aspire to.  And sometimes that mind's picture is not at all how things turn out.  This past week has been an unexpected snapshot. 

We have been preparing to move back to the states for several months.  It is always a process.  This year that process was complicated by moving to a new location about a month ago.  We have been living in a state of chaos for about 3 months trying to accomplish all of this while maintaining ministry obligations and homeschooling.  In my mind the kids were going to be relieved and super excited to go to the states.  They always are because they get to see family that they have not seen in a very long time. 

Goodbyes are difficult and my kids have become somewhat professionals at the uncomfortable task.  But yesterday was different.  Yesterdays tears of goodbye came from a deeper place in my kids that I had not seen before. As we were saying goodbye to some friends of ours one of my kids got quite emotional and so i took them to the car to sit for a moment.  In the car I said something even I did not expect.  I said, "You know, my heart is so happy that these goodbyes are so difficult for you."  What!?  Who says something like that to a crying child!!  This was parenting at its finest!

What you have to understand is a prayer I have prayed for many many years.  I have prayed for my children to grow deep relationships with the children where we work.  In years past friends have been made, great friends, but it has always been OK when it was time to return to the states.  As I was talking to my child they blurted out in their frustration, "I don't want to leave!"  I have always feared that comment but I never thought it would show up in this country.  I had a snapshot in my mind of having to drag my children onto the plane as they grabbed onto their grandparents, cousins, and such.  But this, this was no snapshot I had ever seen. 

In a moment full of emotion and frustration, a prayer was answered.  My child put a stake in the ground and said," this is my home.  I don't want to leave my home."  And do you know what? I get it.  For the first time in my life I don't want to leave either.  I feel as though we have just gotten here and just started true relational ministry and now God says, "Trust me and walk away".  And so far my response has been, "OK God, I do trust you, but walk away?  What is the game plan here?  Why is this the best way?  If I were to stay I could do so much!"  And in that last statement I realize the answer I so desperately seek.

 "I".  If I were to stay I would be tempted to believe that it was me accomplishing the work.  I would pat myself on the back and say, "Good job Andi!"  But God knows better.  He knows I need to see that HE is at work in Chaguarpamba.  He is about to do great things. 

These past few weeks of ministry have been excruciating.  We have people we have been discipling for about 1 1/2 years here that were making progress and seeking the Lord.  Scripture was making a difference in their lives.  Then, two months ago, just before we moved here the local priest went around to some of our disciples and had a chat with them.  He threatened them with cutting them off from the town if they did not stop studying the Bible with us.  He scared them.  And from that fear, we have lost almost all of our disciples.  In a small town like Chaguarpamba a threat like that cuts to the heart.  

So, as we were getting ready to leave and saying our goodbyes, I was a bit curious at what the future would look like here in Chaguarpamba.  What would the ministry be when we return?  BJ and I have always said this ministry resembled a marathon over a 5K.  What I did not realize was that the ministry here would focus mainly on the children.  For some reason most people in town do not seem to mind sending their kids to our children's club.  It gives parents Saturday mornings free and the kids come home with a craft and a snack.  We are very slowly raising up a new generation.
 

Last night we held our second meeting at our home, that will continue while we are gone, thanks to a dear pastor friend of ours.  It was not what I expected.  It was another snapshot that did not live up to my expectations.  It was better.  The people I thought would arrive were no where to be found.  Instead, our guests were the greatest surprise.  Two girls.  Two girls who have been attending our children's club even though they are in High School.  Two girls whom I invited but never really thought would show.  And as they left after a great time of Bible Study and reflection, the one girl whispered in my ear, "We are definitely coming back next week!". 

During Monday study there is always a large group of kids running around the area in front of our house.  Study time is peppered with children laughing and yelling in the background.  Its chaotic but it's how its done.  Yesterday had all the normalcy of children noises in the background but there was one difference.  A boy.  One of Elijah's friends, Fabian, was standing at the door listening through most of our Bible study.  Even though it was his last moments with his friend for a while Fabian was drawn to listening about the Bible. 

In a few moments we will be climbing into our car and saying goodbye to a place we have quickly learned to call home.  And as difficult as this goodbye will be, there is joy in the difficulty.  I am so thankful that my kids have made such deep friendships.  I am so thankful for my sleepy faced four year old coming downstairs today teary eyed, asking why we must go.  I am thankful for my two older children who have shed many tears over friends they are leaving behind.  Its a prayer that has been prayed over many years, and its hard to see it come to fruition.  But, knowing my kids call this place home is a great confirmation that this is where God has called each of us to be. 

As we got into the car to start our journey to the states I listened to the kids in the back happily chattering about all the family and friends we would see in the states.  Elijah and Lydia are telling Micah all about the house we will be living in because he was too young to remember the last time we were there.  Excitement lies ahead.  Right now as i conclude my thoughts i know two things are true.  First, that no matter where God leads our path it will be wonderful.  And two, if it is going to rain my achy half marathon knee will give us fare warning.