Puppy poopy and change

 

So the other day Micah and I were in the back yard with our 5 little puppies.  I did not notice he was barefoot until he started crying that he had stepped in puppy poopy.  I immediately told him to sit on the walkway until I had finished the phone conversation I was on.  It was only going to take a moment and then I would go inside and get something to clean him off with.  But, suddenly I looked down and Micah was scraping the puppy poopy off his foot with a stick.  I was actually impressed with his actions until he proceeded to wipe the puppy poopy off  the stick and onto my foot...well let just say my opinion changed rapidly. 

 

Sometimes we think things are going in one direction and then life takes a turn and things change.  Change is icky and hard most of the time. It kinda feels like poopy being wiped on your foot.  It can catch us off guard and make you want to scream.  This past week we presented the idea of change to some of the people we are discipling and we got the "poopy on my foot" look. 

 

Reading scripture has been an enlightening experience for many of the people we work with.  They have generally been discouraged from reading the Bible by their religious leaders and told that they were not capable of understanding it on their own.   Slowly they are realizing that they can understand God's word.  Slowly they are finding truth.  But with that truth comes change on the horizon.  And change is hard and scary. 

When you are confronted with the fact that things you knew to be truths have suddenly been revealed as untruths it takes time to digest.  Its hard.  It takes a lot of guts to walk towards truth when your family and friends are sitting contently in the middle of untruth.  Its a bold move. 

Right now they are in the digestion phase.  Waiting for God to do his work.  Our prayers have gotten harder to utter.  I find myself asking God to bring some type of chasm to their hearts that will force them to take a leap of faith and make a choice.  However, I realize that the choice they  might make at that moment may not be what I hope.  And that has to be ok. 

My job is not to force choices or decisions on people.  My job is to give opportunity. And once the opportunity is given, it is my job to be patient while God works in the hearts of his children.  I am a doer.  So being patient and waiting take a lot of effort.  Sitting still is not my forte.  But, when God says wait there is no other good choice. 

And so right now we wait.  We wait to see how God is going to solidify these truths in the hearts of those who have heard it.  We wait to see how God will bring forth opportunity for choices to be made and commitments to be declared.  And while we wait we hold fast to the truth that God has given us in his word.  "Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.  Psalm 40:4"  Not all will make the difficult choice to be a follower of Christ.  And while that is not my hope for anyone, it is not my choice to make. 

Change is on the horizon.  How and when are still not clear but it is coming.  And like the puppy poopy my son scraped on my foot the choices may not be to my liking.  But until those choices are made it is my job to get on my knees and plead before the throne of God for those who have yet to surrender their lives to Him.  And so if you need me I will be praying for Gods truth to penetrate hard hearts....or scraping puppy poopy off my foot. 

A NOT so normal normal

My normal is nuts.  No, seriously.  Normal days are in abundance here in Ecuador but they are not what you might think.  Today my co-worker and partner in crime, Jennifer, headed out for our 75 minute drive to Chaguarpamba to go to kids club (we call it bread and fish...hoping that what we teach the kids will be taken home and multiplied).  It was a normal morning.  We got in the car and got 15 minutes up the road before we had to turn back due to car trouble.  Then it died.  We called BJ for help and just as he was about to leave to come rescue us we got it started.  So, we got back to our place switched cars and headed out once again.  Along the way we came across three cars with no brake lights that really liked to brake, or suddenly pull off the road and stop in front of us.  Not so great.  We also came across a huge scary snake in the road slithering its freaky self all over ( I may embellish in size but I hate snakes so in my mind it was HUGE!).  We also came across two other dead snakes in the road.  Then we passed some large piece of road kill...so sad.  Then we came across a herd of cattle in the road.  As we pulled down the main street of town we ran over a dead rat.  Ick.  Serious ick.  Then we got to kids club and the site we use had been broken into, vandalized, littered with alcohol bottles and cigarettes, and broken water pipes.  We cleaned up and kept on going.  Club went great...made it all worth it.  It always does.  But then we started the ride home.  We got about 15 minutes up the road and stopped for a snack (I was really really tired and needed snack food to keep awake).  As we pulled out of the gas station we came across a naked man on the road side who was quickly trying to wrap a towel around his waist and scowled at us as if we had walked in on his own personal bathroom.  That's right....naked.  Then we continued on our way...trying to forget the scary naked man who had just bore images into our minds that would take many sittings of Anne of Green Gables to help us forget.  As we drove into our home town we took deep breathes and exhaled in thankfulness that we made it home in one piece.  A wise friend, upon hearing this ridiculous story said, "Satan is so stupid" and I agree. 
Its normal, maybe every day is not this absurd, but its normal.  Nothing goes without a hitch.  There are always difficulties and honestly its sometimes encouraging.  It lets us know we are still a threat to Satan.  But, without our sense of humor we would not fare so well.  We have to step back and realize that no matter how stupid Satan is.....we continue because God wins and Satan doesn't.  Boo Satan.

No pictures today...do you really want pictures of anything I just wrote about?!?! 

Orange picking and saying No

Some people spend money on bedazzled sneakers and jewel crusted dog collars while being up to their eyeballs in debt.  Have you ever met those people who just have no clue how to manage their money?  You know, the ones who go out and blow all their money the first few days of the month and then end up living on rice and beans until the next paycheck arrives.  They are spontaneous and fun but get to know them better and they are a tornado of chaos. 

                      

My husband and I are big Dave Ramsey fans.  Maybe you like him, maybe you don't, and maybe you have no idea who I am talking about (get on google!) but opinions aside, he makes you think about money.  One thing my buddy Dave talks about is what to do when you have an erratic income.  How do you have an organized budget when you never know when or how much your going to get paid.  Dave's solution is a prioritized list of bills.  First you take care of basic necessities (Food, utilities, rent/mortgage) and then you pay debts.  Basically, when the paycheck arrives you pay for the things on the top of the list and work your way down.  When you run out of money that's when you stop paying. 

I think this plan can be applied to more than just finances.  As a missionary I can be pulled at from several directions at once.  Some times are quite busy and other times are quieter and a bit calmer.  Its not a steady paycheck of time. And if I am not careful, I can get a bit overwhelmed by so much opportunity that I forget to look at my list of priorities.    Being careful with my time helps me be in charge of my schedule rather than opportunity leading me. 

My priorities currently go with me each time I plan out my schedule.   When I sit and plan out my calendar I keep this list close to my mind so that I can be sure to put opportunity in order of priority.  Instead of life being controlled by the constant flow of things to do, it is carefully planned so that I have more freedom to focus my time where it needs to be.  There is freedom in planning. 

This past week I was out in the province with  my dear co-worker Jennifer and we were visiting a sweet woman who lives 30 minutes down a dirt road in the suburbs of nowhere.  After we spent some time in discipling her in scripture she asked us if we wanted some oranges to take home with us.  We said yes and to make a long story short, we ended up trekking down a steep embankment following this sweet woman who was yielding a machete in a Rambo fashion and she showed us how incapable we were at plucking oranges from a 20 foot high tree.  We came home with 4 grocery bags full of oranges and a nice dose of humility. 

                                                             
Without priorities those moments of connection would be obsolete.  Without careful planning I would not have the freedom to go pick oranges. I would waste time doing good things instead of seeking out the best.  I have time to build relationships because I have learned to say no to certain opportunities in my life.  Ephesians 5:15 says "Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil."  "No" is not a bad thing to learn how to say.  It just means that you value yourself and your own priorities that God has laid on your heart. 

Without the word No in my vocabulary I would be at church 5 nights a week, teaching English to every child in my town, and not have nearly enough time to do the ministry God has called me to do.  None of those things are bad, but they aren't at the top of my list. So, I learned to say that word.  I learned No.  And because of No, I got to have a great cup of orange juice this morning and I have a discipling friendship in bloom.

big things in small packages

A dear friend of mine made pooh cake the other day.  That's right.  Pooh cake.  She was going to be teaching a seminar to young adults on how ones outward appearances can be inviting and beautiful but how even a little bit of something ungodly can corrode and taint who we are on the inside.  And, no matter how beautiful things are on the outside, once made aware of the inside, the entire package loses its draw.  Little things making huge differences.

The pooh cake got me thinking about small things making big differences.  It got me thinking about a little baby born so very long ago.  One small period of time that made all the difference for all the world.  The hope of the world showed up in a dirty little animal cave as a helpless baby.  Who would have thought! A small little itty bitty showed up to save us all.  Surely no one saw that one coming!

Well, we had a little "no one saw that one coming" moment this week. A small thing that started making a huge difference.  We have made many contacts in this past year.  Many relationships that are growing with every opportunity of contact.  We've talked with mayors, priests, business owners, and so many others.  Any one of them could have been the first.  But that's not how it happened.

This week we had our very first baptisms in the province.  It was not majestic nor extravagant by any worldly standard.  It was quite humble.  Their names are Rosa and Zoila.  Rosa is 89 years old and Zoila is her daughter.  They are quite poor and live in a tiny village  30 minutes up a dirt road through the mountains.  They are not key figures in their community.  They are not well known.  But, they are lives changed by God's redeeming grace and they are ready to make a difference.  They are the first stake in the ground.  Gods first claim for Loja Province.

There is no body of water where they live.  No lake, river, or swimming pool.  It was too far from the ocean and it seemed that a immersion baptism was out of the question.  And so, it ended up that we did a baptism with a small tub of water and a bowl.  A small gathering of believers from the church in Catamayo (where we live) came along for the celebration.  A few family members also attended.  It was so humble and simple.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5m5KyXh_fGk

 

And that's how it's going to start.  The light has pierced the darkness.  Hope has shone through the hopelessness in a very unexpected way.  After we had the baptisms we decided for several of us to stay on and go visiting people in town.  And do you know what happened?!  Zoila went with us.  She brought us to people in need.  She was able to break barriers.  The woman she brought us to had been cold and closed to us before.  But when Zoila stood with us it gave our words validity.  It broke down the wall.  And so we share God's love with her and she shared her heart with us.  Her loneliness, worries, and fears were all laid out.  And she finally heard about how love came down to this earth in the form of a perfect man who died for a very imperfect people.  She saw light.  I hope when we return there next that she will embrace that hope.

Sometime things surprise us. Small things can make big differences.  All the difference.  Its why even when things seem small we celebrate what God has done.  We recognize the potential.  We see all the possibility that lies ahead.   It keeps the pooh out of our cake.  

Horse Bumps

Last week I went horseback riding.  It sounded like fun.  It looked easy and I honestly had forgotten I had aged 20 years since I had last ridden a horse.  My childhood friend had a horse when we were growing up and I had ridden in circles on that fella several times.  Surely this would be a cinch.  Besides, I have watched the entire series of "Heartland" and it looked pretty easy to me! So, we decided to take the family and some fellow missionary friends on a trail ride.  By the time it was over my muscles were aching, my back was all twisted, and I think I was a few inches shorter from all the bouncing!  And did I mention that my hair was a wreck?!  What I envisioned was not the reality.  Instead of riding off into the sunset I was bouncing like a bobble head down the trail.  It was not my finest hour.

                                                       

This adventure got me thinking.  Sometimes we glamorize things to a point so far outside of what the true reality is that we set ourselves up for failure.  We think things are going to look so regal and right out of a movie, and when the reality confronts us we are in no way prepared for what we find.  

I have also seen this reality in my own personal relationships.  Loving people is hard.  It's not as easy as being swept off your feet in the movies.  It's not as simplistic as a perfect best friend who always arrives on our doorstep with a cappuccino at the right moment.  And it's not as neatly wrapped up as a parent child relationship on the Hallmark channel.  Our media is displaying a fantasy world of relationships and marketing them as reality. I am not saying that movie and tv are evil...but I am saying we must differentiate reality and fantasy.  Unrealistic expectations are being placed on us without us even realizing it.  We need to wake up.  

Loving people is hard.  It takes work.  It requires time, realistic expectations, and a lot of grace.  The Bible gives us many great examples of how to love people.  Look at the life of Joseph.  He was sold by his brothers into slavery and yet when things came full circle he forgave them and embraced them.  Look at Moses who loved the Israelites even though they were noncommittal and winey.  And the ultimate example, of course, would be Jesus.  The God-man who lived the only sinless life and yet was murdered due to the lies and false testimony of those for whom he was giving his life.

                                       

So if these are the examples that scripture gives us of what love looks like why are we so easily convinced that love is supposed to be effortless? Easy is not typically worth much.  Sitting on a couch munching Cheetos is easy but it doesn't carry with it much benefit.  Cheating on a test is easier than studying but the lasting benefits are zilch. We live in a society where the focus is on making things easier.  We have instant meals, segways that walk for us, and passes that put us at the front of the line at Disney World.  (None of those things are bad...)  We are constantly being fed the lie that easy is best and what we deserve.  

Hard work has got to count for something and should count for a lot more then its credited with in this current day and age, especially in relationships.  Relationships take effort.  Its how we find value in them.  Have you ever noticed the difference between a child who has been given money versus that same child who has had to earn that money?  The child will have a lot more difficulty spending the earned money as opposed to the gifted money.  Hard work gives value.  But, its called hard for a reason. 

Hard means accepting the differences.  Hard mean letting people grow at their own rate and not at ours.  Hard means forgiveness when its hard to give.  Hard is knowing the difference between a "black and white issue" versus a "difference of opinion" issue.  Hard means saying your sorry... a lot.  Hard is hard! 

But relationships that have been through the ugly together tend to be deeper.  There is a history there that says "this is worth fighting for". There is grace.  There is love.  And when we love people we reflect Jesus.  It's what the entire Bible is all about.  Not that "everything goes" love but the "hard but worth it" love. 

As I got home from our horseback riding adventure I hobbled out of the car and got out the heating pad.  I was banged up and a bit bedraggled.  The day had not gone as I had planned and I had dirt all gritted in my teeth but one thing was for sure...when Lydia came up to me and kissed me on the cheek and threw her arms around my neck for a hug she whispered in my ear "This was the greatest day ever" I knew it had been worth it. This day love had been hard on my bones but easy on my heart.   
 

                                                            

Choosing rest

Putting kids to bed.  It can be the most trying time of the entire day. Chasing them through hallways, trying to get them to sit still long enough to brush their teeth to a respectable level of clean, strapping a diaper on them, threatening them about if they take said diaper off, putting them in the bed, chasing them and again putting them back in the bed...... Some days you just toss them in their beds and count it a victory because they are still breathing.  Then there are those rare nights that we wish were more frequent then reality tells us is true.  Those nights where we lie all together in bed reading books, telling silly stories, and giggling.  When we just enjoy each others company.  When those nights happen you realize that that's how life is supposed to be.  But, if we know that reading books and enjoying each other is how its "supposed" to be, why does it seem to be so evasive?

I have come to the conclusion that good bedtimes with the kids are very similar to rest...quite evasive. Sleep, now that I can find.  I can go to bed and get my 6-8 hours of sleep a night but sleep and rest are two very different things.  Rest, like a good bed time with kids, requires effort.

As a missionary, I struggle with rest.  I have this irrational and unprovoked need to always be working.  I very rarely just sit down to enjoy TV, reading a book, or sewing (one of my favorite hobbies).  Don't get me wrong...I watch TV, but I'm almost always doing something while I watch/listen to it.  I am cooking, cleaning, preparing studies, folding laundry, something.  As a mom it seems to be a requirement to be a multi-tasker.  If you have more than one child you have to be able to multi-task because kids don't stand in line to wait their turn with their needs and wants.  It is a life of organized chaos at best.  Always on the go...earning my keep...or maybe keep up appearances??

Rest only truly comes when we set aside all distractions.  We walk away from our world of chaos to say, "Not now.  Now I rest."  It takes discipline and effort to rest.  It also takes self confidence.  Many scripture verses refer to rest.  Examples in scripture are given of even God himself resting on the 7th day after 6 days of creating the world.  God created us to need rest.  And there in lies the reason we struggle with rest so much...because Satan knows we need it.

Satan knows that if we do not rest our perspectives will twist, our thoughts will wander to the darkness, and our actions will not reflect our true desires.  We become lesser versions of ourselves and lesser value to the work of the kingdom.  In a nut shell, we become less of a threat to the work of Satan.

So, we must make a conscious effort to rest.  We must take time, be still, rejuvenate, and restore.  We must recognize that if God found it good to take a day of rest, that we are in no way superior to him and thus also in need of rest.

We must also recognize that rest can be part of our spiritual growth and not a break from it. By taking time to rest we can allow ourselves to hear God speak into our lives.  By resting and taking time for ourselves, we are not being selfish but instead valuing the life that God has blessed us with and showing God through our actions that we value his creation.

So this past week I rested.  I took time to sleep-in, to read, to plan out some sewing projects, and to spend time in the word.  And I chose not to feel guilty about it.  I encouraged my kids to do the same thing.  They made some dream lists up for their summer vacation, and spent time playing and enjoying each others company.  Bj has been out in his workshop making knives and whittling imaginative creations out of wood.  And we are better for it.

So if you, like myself, are a "doer" and thrive on crossing things off your to-do list let me encourage you to evaluate yourself.  When is the last time you took a day with no list?  When is the last time you didn't earn your keep but just were.  When was the last time you took time to lie on a bed full of stuffed animals to read books and giggle with your kiddos?  There will be time after books to chase the kids down the hall while trying to trap them into their diapers....

Cheese doodles and vending machines...

Have you ever seen someone trying to man handle a vending machine because their cheese doodles got stuck on the way down?  It's heartbreak and anger all wrapped up in a person tossing their body weight against a machine that is much bigger than themselves. I saw this several times the year I worked in a government office as a translator.  Co-workers that I thought were pretty low key would be doing karate chops at the vending machine to no avail.  People can get pretty passionate about their cheese doodles.  
                                             

I am kinda in a spot right now where I am the frustrated patron and the vending machine (my life) is not going according to plan.  I did what I was supposed to do.  I put in my money.  I pushed the button.  But there are my cheese doodles hanging there in front of me as if to say, "Sometimes you don't get what you think you have coming to you.  Sometimes you have to wait."  Sometimes ministry can be a whole bunch of bags of cheese doodles stuck in a vending machine.

It started when I put God in a box.  I really did.  I thought God would work in the way my mind had all planned out.  I thought I knew what was coming.  I knew it would be difficult, but I knew I had God on my side and so anything was possible.  But, when anything showed up outside my box I got a little disoriented.  I sat staring at my stuck cheese doodles. 

                             

So what do you do?  Well, the way I see it there are two options.  Option number one is to kick, push, shove, and rattle the machine until you get what you paid for.  I know there have been times when I have taken this option in ministry.  I have forced things to go my way. I have shaken, banged on, and rammed into things until I got what I wanted.   Ya know that pit in your stomach that kinda burns and churns when you try to force results out of a person or situation?  That's how I know what I am doing is not Gods best.  When my personal alarm goes off i have to stop and reconsider.

When I was a little girl this was one of my greatest faults.  My little sister Patti can tell you ALL about it.  I took it on as my personal duty to make her behave.  I knew what was right and was bent on making her comply.  When I took on that role I took something away from my sister.  I took away the opportunity for her to learn, at her own pace and in her own time, what was right...whether or not "right" was in agreement with my own opinions is to be written some other day....  She is a very grace filled little sister and we are great friends in our adult lives. 

Option number two is a bit more difficult.  Its taping a note to the vending machine for the technician to let him know what you feel you are due and hoping he comes to my desk with my cheese doodles at a later date. And then WALKING AWAY from the vending machine.   In our spiritual lives this is prayer.  We have the privilege of instant communication with the living God.  We can submit our thoughts and petitions to the ruler of the world and have faith that He hears us and loves us.  And then, we walk away. Not as if to say, I no longer care, but instead we hand over the burden to God and say, I trust you to take care of this. 

When we are no longer in "charge" of the difficult situation we can have a new found freedom.  Its no longer our problem.  Much like when your husband walks in the door from being gone for the day and you peel off the toddler from your right leg who has been attached there all afternoon yelling "take me for another ride mommy!!".  You've had all you can take, its no longer your turn to literally carry this burden.  And so, you lovingly hand over the child who smells of paste, play dough, and peanut butter to their father because daddy is ready to take care of things.  And your become lighter.  Your mood changes, you have hope that you can face the day because you have someone to go to and say "I've had enough, please take this." 

So, when life brings you situations that are outside of your box, hand them to God and ask for wisdom.  Don't be the one who is found growling and body slamming the vending machine.  Just tape a note on it and let the great technician up in the sky handle it.  After all, you really don't want to have to explain to people that you dislocated your shoulder wrestling a vending machine over a bag of cheese doodles?  Right?!